i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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