Ketchup is God's man juice
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
