the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
