You're my little dorito
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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