I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
