i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
