His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
