just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize