He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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