You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
