There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
