I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
