I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
