Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
