Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
