The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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