It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
