I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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