did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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