Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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