Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize