The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
