Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
