How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
