do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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