Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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