Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
