thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
