Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
