I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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