In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
