I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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