I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
