She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
A+ Viking dick
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
