batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
