the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
50% drunk capacity currently
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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