I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
