eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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