I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
