why im i the only drunk person in the library?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
