I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
