We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
