i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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