when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
