I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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