Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
