Pappa wants mamma naked
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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