She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
