You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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