i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
