marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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