Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
