he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
