I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
