Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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