He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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