My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
