I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
