Where did you get a picture of my penis
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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