I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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