So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
