I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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