About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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