Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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