I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
