im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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