Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
