so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
