Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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