He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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