I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
